When most people think about persuasion, they picture a well-reasoned argument, a confident delivery, or possibly a pushy personality with a flashy presentation. But in negotiation, and in life, the most persuasive people aren’t necessarily the loudest or the most articulate. They’re the best listeners.
Skilled negotiators have many tools in their toolbox that are not always easy to observe. One of them is a secret to persuasion. A persuasive negotiator is able to better position their arguments, sell their ideas, and shape the other side’s perception in their favor.
I’ve observed a pattern in recent negotiations I’ve been involved in: The people who were most effective at shifting the outcome in their favor didn’t push their agenda or dominate the conversation. Instead, they paid close attention to what the other party was saying — not just the words, but the tone and priorities, not to mention their concerns behind the positions.
From there, the better negotiators did something subtle but powerful: They used the other side’s language to shape their responses. Skilled negotiators don’t just present their cases; they present them in terms that make the most sense to the other party.
Seeing effective persuasion in action made one thing clear: It isn’t about convincing someone what to think; it’s about getting what you want by understanding what they want.
Reframing, Not Repeating
Let’s say you’re negotiating a project deadline. You want more time. The other side wants it done faster. Instead of arguing why your timeline is reasonable, what if you reframed the conversation around their objectives?
You might say, “I understand you’re under pressure to deliver results quickly. What we’ve seen in similar projects is that rushing can actually cause more rework, which delays outcomes and increases cost. If we take this extra week now, we can hit your ultimate goals with fewer surprises later.”
Language as Leverage
Using the right words isn’t necessarily manipulation. It can be empathy in action. When you mirror the language someone uses — their terminology, their priorities, even their metaphors — you’re signaling that you’re aligned. That builds trust, and trust opens the door to influence.
In one negotiation, I observed a client emphasize “operational risk” as their top concern. The negotiator could’ve brushed that aside and made a case for speed or cost. Instead, they leaned in. “To reduce your operational risk,” they said, “this phased rollout gives you more control points and better predictability.” Suddenly, the client wasn’t being sold; they were being supported.
It’s Not About You
The hardest part of persuasion is letting go of the idea that you need to be the hero. In truth, the best persuaders don’t come across as winners; they come across as allies.
So, the next time you’re trying to change someone’s mind, stop focusing on what you want to say. Start thinking about what they need to hear and how they need to hear it. The moment you make it about them, you’ve already started to win them over.
We Can Help You Use Persuasion Effectively.
The next time you’re trying to change someone’s mind, stop thinking about what you want to say. Start thinking about what they need to hear and how they need to hear it. Rely on Scotwork’s negotiation training to maximize your team’s persuasiveness.